if you like me you must not know who I am
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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