Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Who died my cat blue again?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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