We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I could make wine with my vomit
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
