Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
