im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
