i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
