You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
