I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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