dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Someone signed my nipple.
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