how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
