I'm jealous of your bromance
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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