The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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