i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
