I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
