We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
