I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize