i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
