You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
