why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
