Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
