girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
