So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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