Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
