her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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