You're a womanizer and a bitch.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
