I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
