you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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