You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
