sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(