it wasn't lemon gatorade
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.