what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.