it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.