god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs