Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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