I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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