or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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