I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
