yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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