..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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