My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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