Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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