i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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