Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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