Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
