i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
