I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
