don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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