i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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