It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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