I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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