I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
