dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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