did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
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i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
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Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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