i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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