omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
