I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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