Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
