saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
