so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
