Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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