After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
