The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
