I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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