WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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