Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
ttyl tear gas
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
This is the high leading the old right now
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
