Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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