But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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