Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
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It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
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She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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