Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
